The reality is that many of us who take our pills like grown-ups face an enormous amount of bipolar medication stigma. Whether it’s from family, friends, co-workers, etc. Feeling judged for taking medication can feel really infuriating. 

You’re literally doing what you need to do in order to be the best version of you possible. You’re doing a good thing by taking your mental health meds. Why other people have an opinion about managing bipolar with medication is BEYOND me. I can’t understand whatsoever. I take my pills like a grown-up and you should too if medication is in your plan. Don’t be discouraged by all the noise from society, family, the internet or anything else. 

Take your meds as your doctor prescribed and be proud of yourself for doing so. You’re doing something great! Taking your meds is a form of self-love and self-care. You’re showing up for yourself and proving to yourself that you are worthy of being taken care of. It’s amazing, really. If you’re someone who takes meds for mental illness, I want to just tell you how proud I am of you. Making the choice to take care of yourself is fantastic. Be proud! (45 Snarky Comments To Make When Someone Says “You Don’t Look Bipolar”)

Sometimes I stop taking meds for mental illness.

There have been times during my journey when I’ve felt wonderful and made a plan to stop taking my meds. Not with ill intentions or anything but just the fact that I was better. I felt better. I was sleeping great and feeling more in control. It had to be time to stop the medicine, right? 

I think this was a really big point for me because I saw meds as something you use to get better. It took me a long time to see medication as a tool. Along with meditation and physical activity, taking medication is a tool. Once my doctor helped me reframe that belief, it was much easier to understand that I needed to stay on my meds in order to live my healthiest life.

It’s been a year – managing bipolar with medication.

It was September 2024, nearly a year ago, the last time I put together a plan to get off of quetiapine. I learnt that it was likely to blame for me gaining weight and I felt like I had strengthened my tools and would be able to manage.

I was wrong.

I didn’t sleep more than 30 minutes at a time for about 29 days. I struggled so much without taking quetiapine. I couldn’t stay asleep. It was like my eyes were happy to be closed but my mind never stopped. It was like I was watching a movie all night long but my eyes were closed. Writing daily was really hard too. My brain was not focused whatsoever and sitting at one task for any length of time felt impossible. It was an extremely challenging time. I spent a long time lowering the dose before stopping. I was originally taking 400 mg every night so it did take some time to eliminate it completely. But the side effects of stopping began as soon as I went to the lower dose. It was super hard.

I ended up weaning off of quetiapine entirely for 3 weeks before ending up at the doctor’s begging for help. It felt completely unmanageable. I was losing it. I was so tired but so restless. My brain never settled and my thoughts were constantly drowning me.

I was put back on quetiapine eventually but tried abilify before. Abilify didn’t do anything. Well, I’m sure it did something, but I certainly wasn’t feeling great. And sleep was just not happening for me. Ever. I was crying every single day multiple times a day. I felt beyond exhausted and almost like I was losing my mind. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted my mind to slow down and just pause for a minute. I felt everything so deeply that it was a sensational experience to do anything. My senses amplified. My thoughts whizzed and it honestly felt like there were flies buzzing loudly in my ears. Then add 3 kids on top of that. Ugh!

I went on 75 mg of quetiapine to help with sleep. That didn’t help so it was increased to 100mg and I’ve been at that dose ever since. And I’ve been doing pretty well. I still go up and down but I’d say I’m fairly stable 80% of the time now. 

Bipolar medication stigma sucks.

• Shame and guilt for needing medication
  
• Low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy
  
• Fear of judgement from friends, family, or coworkers
  
• Internalised stigma, leading to self-doubt or denial
  
• Anxiety about being “different” or “broken”
  
• Depression or mood instability triggered by feeling misunderstood
• Reluctance to seek help or talk openly with doctors
  
• Increased risk of relapse from stopping meds due to shame
  
• Isolation from hiding the condition and treatment
  
• Difficulty with treatment adherence, leading to worse outcomes
  
• Hypervigilance or paranoia about others finding out
  
• Strained relationships, especially when others don’t “get it”
  
• Feeling excluded in conversations or communities
  
• Hiding pills or routines to avoid questions
  
• Fear of disclosure at work or in dating
  
• Stereotyping or being seen as “unstable” or “overmedicated”
• Job discrimination or hesitancy to request accommodations
  
• Financial pressure if switching medications or missing work
  
• Disrupted routines from skipping or stopping treatment
  
• Lack of medication education due to fear of asking questions

It’s hard. It’s really, really hard. And at the end of the day, I take my pills like a grown-up and you should too.