The Truth About Bipolar Disorder and Impulsive Spending

My relationship with money began a long time ago. But, it was always turbulent. I’ve never been someone who is particularly good with money. Of course now I know about bipolar impulsive spending and understand more about the impact my bipolar disorder has on my entire life, but before this, there were many purchases, hobbies and business ideas I’d rather have not spent my money on. But, nonetheless, here we are. Today I’m sharing some personal snippets into my many bipolar disorder spending sprees. If you struggle with money and impulse control then hopefully this helps you feel less alone. Because you’re most definitely not alone.

Have You Read These Ones I Wrote?

When hypomania (Early Signs of Hypomania) makes you spend your money, you’re playing a different ballgame entirely than the average person not battling bipolar disorder. I applied for my first credit card literally ON my 18th birthday. I had this idea that credit was free money and I really wanted that. I was working at McDonalds at the time and was working steady and in high school. When my credit card arrived in the mail, I ripped it open in excitement, called the number on the back to activate it, and called my boyfriend at the time to see if he could drive me to the mall the next day so I could go shopping. (You know… with my free money and all.)

I blew off school to shop. My first limit was $1000 and I thought that was basically a million bucks! I could buy so many cute pairs of shoes. I was not aware of how I could be losing control of money during bipolar episodes. To be honest, I’m not even sure I knew what bipolar disorder even was then.

Spending Like There Are No Consequences Bipolar

A few weeks later, after using my new credit card for basically everything (even though I had a bank account with money) a bill came in the mail for me. I think it was around $600 and I was shocked. I had not been keeping track of my spending or anticipating a bill whatsoever. I remember that I had this feeling that I didn’t want to “waste” all my money paying it so I’d just put the smallest amount possible on it and keep the rest of my money for whatever I wanted. Meanwhile, interest added up, I kept using the credit card and I’m guessing you can probably imagine where this story is going already.

I was always spending like there aren’t consequences but bipolar wasn’t even on my radar. I hadn’t a clue that being so reckless could be a red flag, and no one was telling me any different either.

Bipolar Disorder and Risky Behaviour

Spending money like there aren’t consequences is just one of the major red flags that I was completely blind to. I had no concept that the way I was burning through money might not be good and could very well have some long-lasting consequences that would be detrimental to my entire life.

A Bit More On Risky Behaviour and Bipolar Disorder

Risky behaviour is a common but often misunderstood part of bipolar disorder. During manic or hypomanic episodes, a person’s brain is operating at a heightened level of energy, confidence, and impulsivity. This can make ordinary caution feel unnecessary or even impossible. As a result, someone may engage in behaviours they normally wouldn’t, such as impulsive spending, reckless driving, risky sexual decisions, substance use, or making sudden life choices without thinking through the consequences.

These behaviours aren’t about a lack of morals or responsibility; they are often symptoms of the illness itself. Mania can create a powerful sense of invincibility, making risks feel exciting, justified, or harmless in the moment. Unfortunately, when the mood episode ends, many people are left dealing with the emotional, relational, and financial consequences of decisions that didn’t feel risky at the time.

The Guilt after Bipolar Spending

I remember feeling a bit strange that my peers didn’t seem to purchase things like I did. Every weekend I was going to school with new bags, new shoes, and my hair done and refreshed. (Looking back, I obviously should have been saving more and spending less but that’s just not how it worked out for me.)

I never thought that this could be indicative of a diagnosis that would impact my entire life, but here we are. I’m 36 years old, and require strict boundaries surrounding our finances. And that feeling sucks but because I know it’s what is best for my family and even myself, that’s how I safeguard myself and our money.

Looking back, I didn’t know that getting a Visa at 18 years old might not be the best decision. I was still in high school and living at home, what exactly did I need a credit card for? I think that it made me feel superior or “cool” which was something that I never was. So once I felt that, I held onto it. I was generous and I wanted to buy everything for everyone. Spending time in this memory makes me feel a bit sad because I was completely taken advantage of and all I wanted was acceptance from my peers.

After Highschool – Moving Out Undiagnosed

I moved out of my family home very quickly after highschool. It was something I knew I would do since I was about 12. I had been buying things for years and putting them in a box for my first place of my own. When it was time to furnish my new apartment I quickly went to a furniture store, took out credit and bought all the furniture I wanted. Art, lamps, tables, rug, armchair, sofa, loveseat, you name it. My first apartment was cute and I loved it. But, living beyond my means was the start of my sinking. I didn’t have any money saved up, and no concept of what living on my own actually meant.

I was the one who supplied the alcohol for the parties. My apartment quickly turned into the party spot (despite me never, ever being a party person prior to this). I found myself longing for peace and quiet but this part of my life just didn’t offer that whatsoever. It was turbulent, unstable, and heartbreaking.

I had moved out with my long-time highschool boyfriend. I thought our relationship was rock solid and we were going to be together forever. (I realise how silly this sounds now, but we were together for 4 years and I really believed.) Moving in together, I quickly saw a lot of red flags. He didn’t work, so I paid for everything. Rent, groceries, beer, furniture payments (because that was on credit remember). It’s probably not shocking to hear that we broke up, he moved back home, and I kept the apartment myself.

I was stupid and reckless during this time. A lot of the things I did, I carried enormous shame for years because.. Why would I do that? But, a lot of my healing has come from the simple idea that I did the best I could at the time. I can’t look back now and ask why I didn’t do things differently. It’s not fair to that version of myself. I’m older and wiser now and I can’t judge young me by that same standard.

Examples of Reckless and Impulsive Decisions I Made Before I Was Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder

At this time I had only had one boyfriend, so, once he left, I kinda went a bit… wild? I did not ever think of potential consequences of any actions and never really cared if I hurt a guy’s feelings. I was reckless, wild and unapologetic.
I had more partners than I’d like to admit but in the spirit of true honesty… sometimes they were even at the time (not a threesome lol). I led guys on to think that I was really ready to commit and then dropped them as if they meant nothing whatsoever. I liked to play with their emotions and hurt them like my ex had hurt me. (HORRIBLE I KNOW. Just being honest.)
At a random dudes house that I went to with my friend, I was encouraged to try a line of cocaine and I did. I remember trying to make a guy stop touching me and to get out of my pants.
Then, we drove back to my place. (But she for sure had a few lines too, so probably shouldn’t have been driving.)
I bought everything I wanted when I wanted it. Saving and working for it didn’t register with me. I wanted it right that second and that was all there was to it.
I took a taxi cab to Walmart high at 2am with 4 friends to purchase a Nintendo Wii so we could play it that night. Everyone’s card was declined of course except mine. So I paid for everything without a second thought.
I moved out of said apartment thinking that moving out and breaking a lease was just that simple. Spoiler alert – it’s not. I was taken to court for the rent and had to pay roughly $4,000. Also I destroyed my relationship with my parents at this time as they were the ones who had co-signed my apartment for me.

Bipolar Manic Behaviour

That list above is not a conclusive list. It’s just a few things that stand out. Unfortunately if I shared everything, this essay would be so long you probably wouldn’t want to finish reading it. I put myself in so many terrible situations and burned through my money so fast. And then guess what? I found myself pregnant, broke and alone.

Throughout the years I’ve wasted so much money that it kind of makes me tear up if I think about it. Because now I’m 36 and still rent my house because I’m paying back debt collectors for all my mistakes earlier before I knew better.

That Visa that I signed up for on my 18th birthday? The balance ended up getting to $17,000 over the years. I had 3 children and “emergency” expenses added up quickly. I came to a realization that I wouldn’t be able to pay that back if I had access to the card. I went through a debt collection program (similar to bankruptcy but not bankruptcy) and I’ve been paying it back for about 3 years now. Want to know how much? $375.00 every two weeks. Never missed a payment once. I think there’s still a couple years left on it so once that’s paid, we’ll be able to save for a house. But until then, our little rental is as good as it’s getting.

Financial Consequences of Bipolar Disorder

Other reckless and risky things I’ve done in terms of finances are to decide to move out of the city that I had always lived in. We packed up and moved an hour away and started setting roots down ourselves. But, we didn’t save for this move or plan it or anything like that. I saw the apartment on Kijiji and we went and saw it that night. I handed over the $700 cheque for the damage deposit and we were planning our new life away by the time we were driving home. Now, I still think this was one of the best decisions I could have ever made for myself but it still was quite hasty and completely unprepared for.

In the span of 4 years I bought and sold like 5 vehicles. I would take out loans for the vehicles, drive them for a bit then sell them, pay back the loan and do it all over again. For no reason other than I could. It doesn’t make sense when I think about it now.

I put my kids in several dance classes without ever noticing the price. That’s what the credit card was for right? I’m not even sure they wanted all the dance classes. I just wanted us to keep busy and active, and watching my daughter twirl in a tutu was adorable. But the financial impact of all the dance classes? I never even considered it.

I bought a dog. A little mastiff puppy. I hadn’t ever had a dog before and I felt called to him. I had zero stuff for him nor did I have a clue of the financial costs of having a dog. None of these things ever registered in my head. I saw the pupper and I had to have him. So I withdrew $700, drove an hour, and picked him up from the back of someone’s van. While I don’t regret getting him, I do wish I had been more educated, aware and prepared. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into and it turned out to be the biggest heartbreak of my life at no one’s fault but my own.

These are just some examples of ways I’ve spent money as if there weren’t consequences. Don’t even get me started on all my hobbies and business ideas. If you want, I could write something about that too. Let me know below if you want to know about that. I’ve learned a lot and now have really strict boundaries around money. Often these boundaries make me feel like a child but I have to keep reminding myself that they keep me safe and ensure my children’s needs are being met. Living undiagnosed with bipolar disorder is certainly no walk in the park. I’m still paying back for the mistakes I made in my early 20’s. (16 years later.)

If any of this feels relatable, please know you’re not alone.

Stats Surrounding Bipolar Disorder & Finances

A survey of people living with bipolar disorder found that 82% reported impulsive spending money during hypomanic episodes. (https://www.bipolaruk.org/about-bipolar/living-with-bipolar/money/)
In the same survey, 63% of people with bipolar disorder reported overspending while depressed.
Research on mental health and finances found that 88% of people with bipolar disorder said their illness made their financial situation worse. (Treatment Advocacy Center)
One large economic analysis estimated that bipolar disorder costs about $219 billion annually in the United States, including healthcare costs, lost productivity, and other indirect costs. (Economic Burden of Bipolar Disorder)

If you want to learn more about bipolar disorder I’ve gathered some helpful articles below: