Sometimes the scariest symptom of bipolar disorder isn’t depression—it’s the moment you start to feel too good. After all, bipolar disorder is a sickness that uses joy and happiness to derail your life. Not just sadness. It’s a disease of questioning, self-monitoring and never truly being able to trust whatever it is you’re feeling. The fear of mania in bipolar disorder is very real and can be quite all-consuming.
Feeling “too good” when you live with bipolar disorder can be scary. Anyone who lives with bipolar disorder knows what feeling “too good” could mean. Mania/hypomania might be lurking.
I find it so frustrating to never really know if I’m truly happy or if it’s the beginning of another episode. It takes away from the joy that I feel and ignites my anxiety.
Is it mania? Is this just me being happy? What is happening? When did I notice the shift?
The exhaustion of the constant mood monitoring makes me want to sleep for a week but the “too good” feeling doesn’t allow for rest. It’s go time, babe.
See, when you live with bipolar disorder, you never get to just accept emotions as what they are. Or maybe some people can but I most definitely cannot. I wonder. I ask myself the questions. “If I’m genuinely feeling good right now, what did I do to get here and how can I make sure I stay here?”
For me, it feels like finding that “good” “happy” place is exhausting. I’ve really never found it to be honest. I can get there for a little bit but that’s just hypomania. And then the demons come inching back, ready to take over once again.
Living with bipolar disorder means you can’t just be happy without concern and I truly think that’s horrible. Everyone else in the world can experience joy, but for us, for people with bipolar disorder, joy can be a symptom. Knowing this almost makes feeling happy as terrifying as being in a depressive episode.
This “joyful” feeling when you live with bipolar disorder could mean more shopping trips that weren’t exactly budgeted for, colouring your hair when you never talked about it before, getting tattoos and piercings just for the fun of it, making major drastic decisions that would normally require some thought and time to ponder, and so much more. Feeling “too good” with bipolar disorder is a red flag instead of something good.
Feeling “too good” with bipolar disorder isn’t an indication that you’re finally handling the mood swings and you understand how to cope. It usually means that you’re actually going to be knocked off your feet again as bipolar disorder surprises you.
What exactly does feeling “too good” feel like? For me, everything becomes hyper-clear. As if I woke up knowing exactly what I needed to do. Like a purpose. My mind is whizzing past as if it’s a high-speed train and I attempt to gather the ideas and make sense of what it delivers. My head feels buzzy as if a bunch of flies are gathered at my eardrum having a little shindig while I’m trying to understand and act on all my brand new and exciting details. I don’t need sleep anymore and I talk a mile a minute. I have opinions about everything, even things I didn’t know I had opinions about! I buy everything, start hobbies, think of businesses and so much more. For a person living with bipolar disorder… feeling “too good” isn’t just about being in a really good mood, and unfortunately, it’s just never about that with this illness.
At the root of the feeling is the same theme. It’s hard, if not impossible, to trust yourself and your feelings if you live with bipolar disorder. It can be terrifying to check your bank account balance after these feelings because it’s likely that you dove into that happiness and purchased a bunch of stuff you thought was a good idea, but… was it really? Happy might mask mania and tired or sad could be depression. You’re left constantly questioning. Is this mania? Is this just a good mood? It’s hard to know what is real and what is because of bipolar disorder.
People with bipolar disorder don’t get to just be “happy” without worry. The disease requires constant mood monitoring. It takes away from the true joy that happiness really is. Just once in my life, I’d love to experience happiness without being concerned and reading into it as red flags for a mood episode again. Just once I’d like to be able to trust my feelings and feel grounded and at peace with them. Just once it would be nice to be happy without any strings attached. But living with bipolar disorder… That’s just not how it is. Happy is a symptom. Feeling too good is a sign. And for us living with bipolar disorder, it’s exhausting.
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In case you’re not familiar with bipolar disorder and mania/hypomania:
Mania and hypomania are elevated mood states associated with bipolar disorder, but they differ in intensity and impact.
Mania is severe and can significantly disrupt daily life—it may include decreased need for sleep, rapid speech, racing thoughts, inflated self-confidence or grandiosity, impulsive spending or risky behaviour, irritability, and sometimes psychosis (such as delusional thinking). Episodes of mania typically last at least a week and often require medical intervention or hospitalization.
Hypomania, on the other hand, is a different form of mania. It can still involve increased energy, productivity, talkativeness, reduced sleep, and impulsivity, but it does not usually cause the same level of impairment or psychosis. Because hypomania can feel productive or euphoric, it may be harder to recognize as a symptom. Both states represent a shift from a person’s usual mood and behaviour and are key features in diagnosing bipolar disorder.
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For more information about bipolar disorder, please read the following articles:
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